Enough of “schlock” ads!

Deriding free-to-air TV as an "idjit box" isn't always an attack on its programming, maddeningly pedestrian as this is.

This observation also refers to its advertising.

Most TV ads, however, seem to do the job of selling to their markets. The ads are sufficient for this purpose: they're easy to understand. And really good sometimes.

But there are some Smeagol-type ads that really rile you. These "schlock" ads fail where they count the most: bringing in pesos for advertisers.

No one in his right mind buys a product one dislikes intensely because of its schlock advertising.

But schlock ads go on and on as part of advertising's need to create recall. The danger is that schlock propaganda gives a blatantly twisted appearance of "reality".

And that twisted reality is debasing. Schlock ads lead one to conclude Filipinas are cheap sluts begging to be screwed. A free drink or a whiff of this cologne and she's a cinch.

Schlock tells viewers that white skin is the right skin color, never mind that the Filipino is overwhelmingly "kayumanggi". Or that you need a dermatologist to bleach your skin safely.

Schlock gives one the notion that "happily ever after land" is a zoo reserved for teenage girls flaunting shiny, soft hair and grim thugs sporting five o'clock shadows.

There's no Mr. Nice Guy in schlock land. Only endless local versions of Bill and Ted ("Excellent, dude!") who make the dumb and dumber routine look sillier and sillier.

Worse, schlock gives one the idea that the agencies creating them are crewed by juvenile minds stuck in the self-gratification phase of puberty.

Ad guys, however, are probably right when they say the market doesn't go for chic U.S.-type advertising.

They'll say clients approved the concept and execution of these odes to schlock. They'll say they pitched these bean counters really, really creative world-beaters that would have stood a chance at a bundle of Clios.

But all they got for sweating blood was a sneer, followed by a chorus of self-righteous bean counter voices intoning, "It's not creative unless it sells! The target market is king. So, give us schlock that sells!"

So, is advertising the only one to blame for schlock ads? The market's also the matter, isn't it?

Creative advertising is a really tough business requiring the iron nerves of a Roman gladiator. I've worked on both sides; so I've some idea of what it's like to create and to approve.

I salute all you ad guys battling against the limitations of your markets. It's not easy being a Porsche 911 Turbo S on a highway packed with Trabants.

You simply can't barrel through all the deadweight in front of you. Doing that will get you fired.

So, what's to be done? Now, that's a real creative challenge, but do spare us from more schlock when you surmount these problems.

Schlock's a bimbo: sexy, beguiling and not much else. Even Dr. Henry Frankenstein wouldn't have assembled as shallow a creature.

He wasn't that mad. Was he?